The Embrace of Blues

As the sea breeze dances around whilst the sullen white sand slowly succumbs me further and further, my head gets vulnerably drowned, not by the crystal waters before me, but the dwelling thoughts of the day the reaper stands before me.

"Bluer than the blue skies, blue seas, or that foreigner over there with crystal blue eyes" I recall telling myself.

Wave after wave did I realize those roars were of my beloved mother's calls, calling me back to the hotel. I decided to continue my conversation with the beach shore as I realized I am in confrontation with the hotel door. Neither did I want to enter nor stay outside the hall, thus I stare upon this inanimate object until my sister broke the tension between me and Mr. Hotel door. A room so well-lit, lures me to rest. Who could resist? I did. I knew by the moment I close my eyes or might as well simply blink, comes 'tomorrow', whom I loath to acknowledge. I hear the familiar waves prancing on our hotel window, I turn to just be greeted by nothing but pitch black. The once beautiful horizons of blue was nothing more than an abyss. The embrace of nature was more humane than those of my family. Regretfully, I shake tomorrow's hand if by all means I'll be embraced by those blues.

The navy skies of a Makati morning robbed six faces ridden in worry and thrill of lengthy slumber as we embark on what one could say, another typically family trip. Took a plane, Took a bus, and took a boat to simply arrive at the treasured islands of Boracay, Aklan. Yet, as exciting as the destination was meant to be, the trip towards it fulfilled it rather. We had a week-long  luxury to venture the nooks and crannies of the island which some could say is small compared to the shores they have been to, I beg to differ. I was a fellow who preferred to watch rather than perform, yet nonetheless had desires, like the embrace of those seductive saline. Its scent that was far from the smoggy atmosphere of a city made me greed for it, I found myself sooner or later in its arms. Its sea floor took more than a mile before depth unfolded. Its what made this location a beloved destination. Brushing off the worry of ever floating afar from the sea floor I can only reach, I took upon this opportunity to let these waters carry me. 

    I hated how I trusted it at an instant rather than my own flesh and blood. Nature tamed me its palm. I realized as I threw time out of the window by gazing at the bright blue above whilst carried by the calm blue below. Never once did it beg for me to sweat, the vacation I’ve longed for. However, my five companions had something else in mind. Mother, Father, Sister, Grandfather, and Grandmother weren't as ecstatic as me with the same film of waves. Thus, we jump from an Island, to another, and one more. We were like birds migrating for the winter. They were thrilled, I was drowned in dread yet glee. It parted my mind from the day before our island hopping ignited its travels. The day before, at the hotel room of a white wall after a white wall and a white doors took me to a sea that yearned to drown me. There I lay on sheets no more darker than a pearl nor whiter than the clouds, hand in hand with non-existent exhaustion anchored me. I was enraptured by blues I was firm to have abandoned in the urban alleys. I was gasping for air that I already have. The seas of thoughts and questions bullied me, a plank afloat, with guilt.

“So fortunate for me to be able to set foot to such a paradise, yet its beauty makes me bereaved”.

The sound of familiar chatter brought me back the air I dearly merely missed. I was pulled back to a room who’s floors were a maze of bags. Nothing but a bedroom with commodities. Barely a home. I scurry the melancholic painting above my neck lest I ruin their sublime smiles. 

After the tumultuous tour, I ran back to arguing aquas and stain disdain upon my reflection disarrayed of an image whilst my other half of a body submerged. I went upon a paradise to release worries, they increased rather. Oh how I failed once more to see the beauty of life. This was no more different than who I was under the skyscrapers who stared upon me with disappointment. The sun greeted me with burns yet I was too numb to even think she was there. I walk further to find the depth many fear to be near, my mind was lost, my heart was at the brink of its last thathump! Anything that wreaked of beauty became baneful to my eyes. The tips of my fingers traced salines. My palm trailed upon the railes of the balcony of a school floor. The clouds passed by above. Students of all kinds passed by below. My toes felt the end of the shallow sea floor that kept me safe. The tips of my shoes left the concrete and passed through grills of steel. It was all the same, until an unfamiliar yet familiar creature shattered my reliving of that memory at the school. There came it again, then another, and one more! Sooner or later, I was in the eye of a tornado of sardines!. In between my legs, through, and around it they come and go. I came across the right amount of length to step into a paradise I never thought I would come across. This was entirely unworldly that of the scuba diving we did in that packaged of a tour. I rushed and hushed to sneak crackers no more whiter than the powder sand upon the shore into the waters. I dropped bit by bit pieces where more and more did these fellows kept adding up. This was all that took, the delight I sought I had failed to forever have found was brought upon me by an anticipated interaction of two worlds. It was as if I was a diplomat meeting another world leader to grace peace bestowed on two countries. There and there was two worlds in a non-verbal communication. A pact connected merely by thin slices of processed grain. The interaction with Poseidon's citizens was the missing piece to pull me back into life’s light. Life brought by life. “My crackers!” my mother had a distasteful expression that neither Leonardo Da Vinci or Van Gogh can paint. The roars of waves clashing were later on in symphony with the laughter of my companions whom one by one came to where I was.

“Who told you lot to give my bits to the fish?” mother was neither fuming nor grinning. 

It was her way of conveying humor. She didn’t sound as though in anguish, thus we continued the exchange with our friends with fins. 

“Your swimsuit looks beautiful on you” my mother picked it for me, doubt she would degrade her own choice of clothing. 

The compliment gave me an undefined expression. I was torn between whether this was mockery or genuine. I was at that age where I cared less for what people see me for, but they seemed to care a lot. 

“You’re joking, I don’t have any money, best you take back your compliment, mum” 

my eyes were glued to the fish as though they were an escape for me to look at my mother’s expression from my response. I sought that every compliment that is given upon me was of nothing but pity, thus results to my awful response to any that would be given. 

“Why is it as though you are in distraught than delight?”

 the familiar youthful voice of my sister came up from behind me. I could also ask the same to myself. This day was drenched in interactions I thought.

The bright horizon was later cropped into an airplane's window who I now am displeased to see.

“I believe I can fly” chimes my sister with sand in her sandals.

My mouth was dry, my eyes shied, and my hands neither felt alone. It was over. Down, one by one bags of all kinds kissed the blue tiles who greeted us with a familial welcome. I sat upon the rag of a  couch whose creaks filled the living room. I found family in creatures of different minds. I found home in a world I didn’t belong. I felt a warm embrace from a world I wasn’t looking for. I went on a trip to a paradise I didn’t foresee. I learned that most of the things we yearn for will be given by those we least expect to have it.