That Hotel Window

Love is wonderful, but it can turn for the worse.

Cupid seems to be drenched in joy shooting arrows to intertwine hearts. The new semester greeted me with couples left and right. One's hand over the other, another has one on someone's shoulder. The Campus' hall was drowned in festive energy. Boots that varied designs from one another. Lovely might I say. Yet I couldn't help but imagine me being in those situations if things went differently that time. I dated someone. Someone familiar yet foreign. She would sometimes sit, sometimes running. This single day made me remember that heinous and chaotic 2 months. It was between October and November of 2022, when my family decided to have a staycation at a hotel as a post-celebration of my birthday and the celebration of my mother's birthday. Just 3 days apart. Such a day of  celebration was accompanied with a sour memory. 

That night, I stare into a plane filled with plain planes that come and go. The cold coffee watches nearby, new yet old specs mirror each sigh.

x

1, 2, 3 I count the parked cars,

 But they couldn't outnumber my film of scars,

A moon, no stars,

Maybe they're just far,

11th floor but I still feel under,

Under the weather, roars of a weeping lover,

Everything goes back to dull,

Anything that comes next will be null,

A porcelain doll with a tear on a cheek,

Stained tear will be called unique,

Your sadness will be art, 

Love will no longer include your heart,

Restless it will be, what's in it for me, 

Nothing is seismic anymore, 

Nor look forward to what's in store, 

Here at this hotel Infront of the airport,

I wonder if it was worth putting any effort, 

On anything, 

on anyone at any time. 

Makes me want to commit a crime,

Fool we were to want to climb.

Climb a wall too tall,

it's getting cold, I think I need a coat

I can't seem to jump out of this boat, that is sinking. 

What was I thinking?

Second Semesters may sore, but I yearn to Soar.

 I told myself I wouldn't hate tomorrow's anymore, Looks like that isn't the case. Its a Monday.

Papers. Quizzes. Listen there. Listen here. The fourth floor. Passed. Failed. Stand up. Ask. Answer. The Semester break of which lasted for 5 days definitely wasn't enough to make me forget such scenes of the first semester as a graduating Senior high student. 12th grade isn't forgiving, never has it been, never will be. 

a 9 A.M. drenched in hues of blue,  blankets drown you in coziness as the atmosphere ceases to make it any better. I felt like an Ice cream in a fridge, But I was the ice cream that wishes to not be eaten. Waking up and sleeping became a chore, says the youthful one. My mother would chant the same old words about how I'm not even halfway in life if she hears me groan for such. But let's admit it, everyone and so did my mother herself said this herself in her prime. The weather wasn't a delight either, scorches the sun that should be complaining more than me for doing the same thing all over and over again for how long when. Humid was a room at the 4th floor building of an education institute. Someone by the corner wipes, another by the side fans, another just arrived. 12:42 p.m. screams by my wrists. 3 more minutes, starts a new series for me to watch it reveal its chaos. 

My back hurts, I can't wear my glasses, The sun's rays tells me more things than the white board, the whispers are louder than the teacher's voice. Sensitivity started fading in the room. Sooner or later I found myself walking under a familiar path drenched in gleams of orange and gold. Shoes leave my feet, to the room I rush to retreat. There, a moment of comfort was what I wanted from this demanding day. 'What a sore, I don't like it anymore' wails me, who is barely halfway the first week of semester. I found myself staring back at what was watching me, my whiteboard with lists of colleges and universities I still need to apply to and a photo booth of a family of four. I recall telling myself that this time I wanted to live this time around.